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Tuesday, October 19th, 2004
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6:38 pm - Short hair bites...
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I got asked if I was a boy again today. They were like yelling it across the library to. Man I hate short hiar, I want long hair again. I just feel like crying or something.
current mood:  depressed
current music: Me Vs The World
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| Monday, October 4th, 2004
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10:47 am - You know what....
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Everybody's parents suck except mine. What is wrong with the world these days? Are parents just trying to kill off any self esteem their child may have?! To all parents in the world: Just because you've totally screwed over your life and are now living in hell doesn't mean you should drag your kid down with you! Pah, why can't life be more like TV where the parents actually love their kids no matter what? Whatever happened to treat people how you wanted to be treated. I'm all for respecting elders and junk but what if the elders don't respect you? I mean don't even try to. They just put you in a stereotype because you are a teenager. Every kid is so different now that doing this would be impossible! I'm so glad I only see my dad about three days every other week...Though he still acts like he sees me every single day. Blarg but I won't get into that. I just wanted to rant about this for a little while...I think a lot of my steam is let out right now until I get bored and think about it some more.
current mood:  annoyed
current music: Parents Just Don't Understand ~ Will Smith
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| Monday, August 30th, 2004
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5:53 pm - My Life Sucketh...
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On Sunday I teased I would randomly use this for a LJ title...Who knew I would actually mean it? My life as far as me is going okay, though I am having some internal issues with some things I'm not telling people. But here's the main deal. My VERY good friend John is having major self-eestem issues. Despite the fact he is a great guy, even if he can't see it. I mean, he keeps talking about how he isn't who we think he is. But no matter how hard you try, people can see the real you. You can be happy or pretend, but some how your true soul always shines through. And it's that, that made me know I was going to like John as a friend. He gave me confidence when I didn't think I could bring up any. And for some reason he was easier to talk to than other people in the world. No matter how hard you try that's not something yo can fake. He's a great listener. I wish I could say more to him, but I don't know him as well as I wish I did. I'm just worried he might try to hurt himself.
Oh yeah and I just informed my BF I'm still suicidal and he took just as I expected. He went into shock and stopped talking to me in general...So...I feel kinda alone again. I just wish I had someone to talk to...Some secrets are best kept as that.
current mood: Alone
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| Friday, May 21st, 2004
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7:06 pm - YAY!
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Well, school is over and I DON'T have to retake the 11th grade AND I don't have to take summer school! I do have to do some independant study. Ya know, finishing up Civics and I gotta do Biology, but that shouldn't be to hard. I DO however have to retake Algebra 2 next year. Oh well, I mean twice the charm, ne? Work is all around boring and SLOW. I mean it is like total deadsville man....Where did that come from? Oh well. I get to take Ethnic Studies next year. I hope Mr. Forseth is in charge of that, HE ROCKS! bUT NOT MUCH ELSE TO SAY...sO...Sayounara.
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| Monday, May 3rd, 2004
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10:25 am - She is out to get me!
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Seriously! David's mom is out to ruin our lives!!!! She's grounded him from prom and a whole bunch of other crap. And if you can't tell right now I'm totally pissed off!
current mood:  pissed off
current music: Me Vs. The World ~ Halo Friendles
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| Saturday, February 28th, 2004
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12:26 pm - Life...
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I'm on a new medication for epilepsy. The only real side affect is I can eat about a small bag of chips then looking at food makes me sick....FOR THE REST OF THE DAY! Oh and I auditioned for the school musical, it's going to be The Wiz. They want me to come back for callbacks!
current mood:  stressed
current music: Beautiful Suprise - Nate Sallie (saw lyrics, stuck in head)
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| Thursday, February 19th, 2004
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6:25 pm - Imagine this:
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Okay time to use your imaginations here: Start off imagining you switched schools, leaving all your friends behind. Don't feel to good huh? But we aren't done. Now imagine not being able to make any serious friends on top of failing classes. Kinda pushes you over the edge huh? Now this: After casually mentioning your suicidal past one girl calls you to see how you are doing! Yeah that's right. You got a friend! And not just any friend, a friend who you can talk to when life just gets to you. She won't judge you or tell you to suck it up. But rather she'll listen and talk you through it! You feel GREAT, don't you? Now fast forward to a couple weeks later. You are still doing badly in school, and you find out you have epilepsy, but you still got your friend to talk you through it. GREAT! Now imagine that single solitary friend telling you that it is her last day and she is switching schools! Yeah that's right. She's leaving and there is nothing you can do about it. Who can you talk to? Who can you turn to? Pressure and stress just suddenly pile up and you have a breakdown. But like I said: What are you going to do about it?! NOTHING! Because there's nothing you can do except slowly spiral back down to depression. That's my life right now.
current mood: depressed
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| Friday, October 24th, 2003
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7:40 pm - Updates From T-ko
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Hey. I've been writing some journals during school, and here they are:
School. Written:10/23/03
Man this school is seriously starting to bug me. I don't know whether I want to change schools or my nme. I really hate switching schools. It's really hard to make new friends and the people aren't really helping. People are always doing something stupid like making fun of my name. Why do they do that? Do they think I enjoy it or something? Well news flash: I DON'T!Those idiots I really hate like 29/30 of the guys here and get along with maybe 3 girls really well and most of the other girls I don't hate but I don't really consider my friends. I really just want to curl into a abll and cry. ((Break: Next is written after lunch)) It's official...THIS SCHOOL BITES BIG! I can't believe those jerks Jeremy and Dan. Well one good thing thing about it is I got to go to the bathroom and cry! ((they said I was screaming the F word at them))
Just Another Face Written: 10/24/03
I'm such n idiotic moron. I can't seem to do anything right. I mean besides being the stupidist girl in the world, I don't see much special about me. I feel like just another face walking through these shallow hallways. Everything I do is only okay, I can't do anything great. I've tried I really have, but it still doesn't seem good enough. "'For I know the plans I have for you' declares the Lord 'Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to bring you hope and a future.'" Well God, I'm waiting, please show me your plans, because I'm losing hope. The Nothing is back and I can't figure out how to get rid of it.
current mood: depressed
current music: Me Vs. The World ~ Halo Friendlies
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| Saturday, August 9th, 2003
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2:09 pm - Work...blah :p
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Let's see update on my life: I saw the Tomb Raider movie yesterday. Totally kick butt movie! Loved it. Chad says I should go see S.W.A.T. though I think I can wait till it comes out on movie. Oh well whatever. Today I had to work at 9:00! Which means I had to record the x-men episode I have been waiting for, for literally A YEAR! My dad got me the new Harry Potter book, and it didn't cost him anything. See at the home school (where he works) they get free books, but my dad says that 'If they wanna read Harry Potter they shouldn't break the law.' so I got it. Isn't that spiffy keen? Yes I just said spiffy keen. Anyways Lia is mad at me cause I got it, but I know she loves me n_n silly Lia (Trix are for kids) ((sorry had to add that)) Anyways I can't wait till I get off in 45 minutes. My back is KILLING me. Not to mention every time I bend my knees I can hear them crack. :p it's GROSS. Anyways...yeah. That's the update on my life, not much to say or nothin'.
current mood:  blah
current music: Joyful Joyful ~ Sister Act II (it's stuck in my head!!)
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| Saturday, July 19th, 2003
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2:19 pm - BLAH!
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I worked all day yesterday, then had to wake up to go to an early meeting thing. XP Around the 'E' 'RESOLVE' I started going in and out of sleep. It was extremlly hard to stay awake. Then there was some Baby Shower thing here and one lady was like totally freaking out because something wasn't right. hehe she got what she deserved. The cake like TOTALLY collapsed. n_n the lady having the baby didn't seem to care to much. Oh and by the way I'm typing this at work. how sweet is that? I love having internet connection. My cousin Kerri is coming to visit, I'm so excited! (Break: Lisa doesn't listen well) anways. Kerri totally rocks. She's the one who got me inerested in Gundam Wing. ^_~ thanks Kerri. You never would have guessed it, but she had to force me to watch Endless Waltz. I sooo didn't want to and she was like showing me all these models she made and stuff and I was like 'okaaay Kerri...and I care why?' (which os probably what you are saying to yourself right now. So anyways I was watching (making commentary of course) I was all like: T: "What's his name again?" K: "Wufei..." T: "Oh yeah, his hair is waaay to short for a ponytail..." *then I saw Quatre.* T: "Is that a girl or a boy?!" K: "A boy -_-" (seriously she was like making that face.) *Then I heard Duo and started rolling on my back laughing. T: "HIS VOICE IS WAAAAY TO DEEP FOR HIS BODY!" I thought he should have like a much higher voice, like pre-pubirty. *sigh* Oh well. Scott McNeal ROCKS! I mean he also does the voice for Wolverine in X-men Evolution. How can he not rock?! Anyways, we just had like four HUGE spurts of people and I was all by myself and as soon as the other person came, it was like, dead, man. What was I talking about? Oh yeah Endless Waltz. Then I saw Heero and I was all like '*blink blink* HE'S SO SCRAWNY!' hehe, my my how a small ((small?)) obssession can easily sway the mind of me. Anyways people are saying I should find something to do on the work front, so I'm goin' to leave y'll now. Bai-chi ((*prays Jennifer comes early like she promised.*))
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| Wednesday, July 16th, 2003
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1:13 am - Saving Grace
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OKay I'm sitting at my dad's house, right? And I'm just like blasting POint Of Grace's song Saving Grace. One of my favorite Christian songs. Anyways so I hear a knock at the door and I go over and these guys start talking to me about Jesus and stuff. And their like 'Would you like to know about God?' I'm just thinking. Hello?! Do you hear the music I'm listening to? I know about God! It was so funny then they started talking to me about basketball and asked if I knew some kid that plays boys basketball at a school I've never heard of. I'm just like "Why would I know this kid?" anyways I thought that was pretty funny
current mood:  hyper
current music: Amazing Grace ~ Point Of Grace
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| Monday, June 30th, 2003
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6:40 pm - Let's see....
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Summer thus far....had a birthday party. My friends got me GREAT gifts. Like a PS2, a game for it, and some GREAT books. Thank everyone hehehehehe.......ANYWAYS....ummmmm...today I rode my bike to southdale (it took 25 minutes longer than usual!) I almost passed out a total of 5 times from the trip there and back...today was waaay to hot. But I bought a new manga (Fushigi Yugi #8) and a new necklace....oh and I was sitting in the mall reading my manga and this group of three like 11 year olds came up to me and one said: "My friend wanted to tell you he thinks you're cute." I tried really hard not start laughing. Then they kept walking past me. It was really hard to concentratew on feeling bad for Nuriko with them like circiling me like vultures. And then I came home and told my mom about and she ORDERED me to rest and stay on the computer the rest of th night...this is the lady that wants to take away the computer in the first place! yeah well that's all I have to say
current mood:  weird
current music: Weird is an emotion??? What that's not a song...
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| Saturday, May 31st, 2003
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12:42 am - Isn't it ironic?
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I just realized how much my life is like Shoujo Manga. *sigh* I hate shoujo manga, it's so dull and romantic and people rarely get beat up not to mention the lack of blood. I mean seriously. Okay girl and guy best friends in the childhood are then sepreated till 8th grade. Two years later they start going out. How shoujo manga-ish is that?! *sigh* I'm living that which I oppose.
current mood:  confused
current music: Stuck ~ Stacie Orrico
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| Wednesday, May 21st, 2003
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9:51 pm - Umm....
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Well Lia and I are in a fight. though I ain't going to say much, cause she can read this. Oh well, just needed to say this. Oh and I won a free CD
current mood: depressed
current music: Doin' ~ John Rueben
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| Thursday, April 24th, 2003
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12:04 pm - Ummm.... I can't think of a good title
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Yesterday I saw Toni for the first time. She is really nice...don't know who Toni is well...then ask T-ko yourself you lazy person you! Okay well Toni said that T-ko isn't really depressed ^_^ yay! oh well then I went home and slept till 6:00 then went to church. Then today I got to eat doughnuts in biology (Mr. Monson's treat cause tomorrow is DNA day.) And I didn't go to my Poetry Slam meeting cause I had homework. And everybody is all freaking out on me. well you wanna know what I say? 'Well poo to you.' Don't ask I just felt like saying that. Class time bye-bye all
~To find a rose without a thorn
to shape new worlds yet to be born
to light passion with desire
and show the world I am made of fire!~
current mood: good question
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| Monday, April 14th, 2003
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12:44 pm - FRANK IS DOING SOMETHING DIFFERENT!!
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I'm amazed by this! Totally, anyways...... i was going to say something but I can't remember what anymore....ummm I might switch school's next year and go to Luthern High School, but I promised Audig that I wouldn't leave her with these 'lunatics' and I was like 'despite the fact you're one of them.' But anyways it offers Japanese ^_^ but it is very very very small. And I gotta get to calss now, so bai-chu.
current mood: hyper
current music: Redemeer ~ Nicole C. Mullens
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| Tuesday, April 8th, 2003
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10:01 am - Update on T-ko's life
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Okay T-ko worked really hard on her homework last night. Then watched Yu*Yu*Hakusho from like 9:00 to 12:00. She was mad because then she missed Trigun and Inu-yasha, despite the fact she had probably seen that episode at least three times. So it's really not that big of a deal. NOw T-ko is trying to think of what to say and can't..... T-ko likes Yu*Yu* Hakusho. She thinks it is a very good show. She doesn't like the fact though that she thinks that Kurama's voice actor is a girl :( she thinks it makes him sound really wimpy. Aslo Koenma has a girly voice, but T-ko thinks that that is expected of him. T-ko can't wait to go home and watch the rest of the episodes. Which she needs to bring tomorrow so Sera doesn't kill her. Ummm.... well T-ko is done now, so bai-chu.
current mood: hyper
current music: Smile like a bomb ~ Yu*Yu*Hakusho opening theme song
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| Monday, April 7th, 2003
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12:59 pm - Update on T-ko's Life
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ummm... let's see T-ko thinks she will write this enry in third person. OKay on Friday T-ko went to Sara W's house to borrow Yu*Yu*Hakusho DVDs. T-ko loves Yu*Yu*Hakusho. Then she went very quickly to a variety show at David's school, International. Small school and the variety show thing sucked big time. But T-ko thought it was still fun to go to. Then T-ko and David meet up with Ryan at EP Center and saw Spirited Away. T-ko LOVED that movie and wants the DVD or soundtrack to it. After the movie T-ko went to her dad's house. There she tried to watch the DVDs but couldn't figure out how to turn the DVD player on. Poor dumb T-ko. So instead she went online where she stayed until about 12:30. The next day T-ko umm... what did T-ko do saturday? She watched some TV then had to get her hair done. T-ko thought it took a long time, but it was worth it. On Sunday T-ko's Dad forgot to reset the clocks so she completly missed her Sunday group, and it was suppossed to be a good one to. :( Then T-ko had cell group, they got to eat pizza and talk about listening. Which T-ko discovered is very hard to do. After that T-ko went to her mom's house, where she was suppossed to work on homework, but forgot and spent the whole day online. Her mom got mad and said that she was grounded from the internet for a week. Poor poor T-ko. :( Then on Monday T-ko had school. It was petty boring and uneventful, until lunch when she got to use the computers and Nacho started talking to her about something...but T-ko's concerta had stopped working about 20 minutes before and she zoned out half way through. That is when T-ko updated her live journal. And that brings T-ko's life up to this moment. Well Bai-chu all
current mood: Good Question
current music: Shall We Dance Music ~ Shall We Dance
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| Friday, March 21st, 2003
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12:39 pm - the one glimmer of light
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12:32 pm - ...
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currently I feel... nothing. I'm not happy, not sad, not angry, not depressed, not excited, nothing I feel like there is just a giant space inside me. the feeling I feel most right now, is depressed I guess. I mean Nate hacked into my hotmail and neopets accounts and changed the password an all that junk, so I can't do anything. Also somehow all my buddies on my msn account have gotten deleted to I can't talk to anybody. :( School is going bad, and I might get kicked out. And all my friends think of me as a weak four year old. I guess I don't really know my friends as well as I thought I did. Oh well how am I expected to know them when I don't even know myself? I guess I'm just ready to repected as a person. I'm so sick of people assuming they know all about me. I mean just because I don't go around hitting every person that gets me mad, or swearing over the stupidest things, doesn't mean I'm weak. I just feel like all my friends think I'm stupid, slow, to emotional, a baby, and that I can't think on my own or do anything. This has been the worst week of my life.
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shinigamihimeko's journal